On November 2, 2009, my father, Howard Lewis Shorr, passed away suddenly leaving us all deeply saddened and shocked. My writings here are to help me process and deal with his passing. Thank you for reading!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Last 24 Hours

On Sunday, November 1, the movers were at Dad and Holly's house in Sykesville, MD packing up Dad's stuff. He and Holly had amicably decided to separate. They sold the house and were set to close on Friday November 6.

On Monday, November 2, Dad had an early flight to Florida where he was planning to move permanently. He had an apartment all ready for him in Delray Beach, FL which was close to Bube and Pop Pop. With his physical condition, he was better suited living in warm weather so that was his plan.

During the day on Sunday, Dad was stressed out. Just getting around the house wore him out normally, so moving day just exaggerated all of this. He hadn't been feeling great according to my sisters and stepmom. They had all battled a cold for weeks. Dad complained of a few weird symptoms but with him, all of his symptoms were weird! He was certainly a medical mystery with some things he was dealing with. Aches and pains were just the daily norm for him.

After a long day, the movers closed up the truck and set out on their drive to Florida with all of his possessions. The next day, he was ready to leave his life in Maryland and start a new one in Florida.

Sunday night, Dad had dinner with a friend. I spoke with his friend a month after he died to find out how he was at dinner that night. His friend confirmed that he was stressed. The move was a lot on him physically so he was also exhausted. She confirmed that he had some sort of respiratory infection that he had been battling for weeks. Overall, she got the sense that he was sad to move. He built a life in Maryland which didn't end up playing out how he had envisioned. He was sad to leave everything he had known for the last 25 years but knew it was best for him to go to Florida.

Later that night Dad returned home from dinner. Rebecca gave Dad her bed since his was in transit to Florida and she slept on the couch. As it got later into the night, she heard some commotion in Dad's room and went to see what was going on. He was shaking uncontrollably and stated that he was freezing. Becca went around the house and gathered as many blankets as she could to help warm him up. Once she got him settled, warm, and more comfortable, she returned to the couch. A little while later, she heard more commotion. When she went in this time, all of the blankets were thrown off of him. He said he was so hot and asked her to open up some windows and remove the remaining blankets covering him. This went on for hours until finally, everyone was able to get a few hours of sleep.

Before 7am, the household was up. Holly had to go to work and Rebecca had things she needed to do, also. However, it was evident that Dad wasn't feeling well still. He was going to wait until 9am when the doctors office opened to try to get an appointment. In the meantime, he decided it was best that he didn't travel to Florida that day. Rebecca worked on canceling his flight while he called Bube to let her know he wouldn't be coming down since he wasn't feeling well at all.

By 7:45am Holly left for work and Becca headed out to begin her day. They said goodbye to Dad and when they left, they both reported he was doing ok but still obviously not feeling well.

The morning goes on and Dad is not heard from. Last everyone knew, he was waiting to call the doctors office. Around 10am, Bube called him and got no answer. She began to really worry. She called Holly at school and asked if she heard from Dad. She didn't. After Holly tried calling him and he didn't answer, she started to worry too. She got permission to leave school and raced home to check on Dad. When she got in, Dad was in bed. While he was conscious, it was obvious he was having a lot of difficultly breathing. He was trying to talk but Holly couldn't understand him with the extremely labored breathing. Holly knew she had to call for help. She called the ambulance and they showed up quickly. When they arrived they immediately tested him and discovered his blood pressure and blood sugar were dangerously low. He was still having extreme difficultly breathing, but he was conscious. They put him into the ambulance and took him to Carrol County hospital. By this time, Rebecca was back at the house. Holly and Rebecca got a few things together and headed over to the hospital to see Dad.

For those that know my father, a trip to the hospital was nothing for him. Due to all of the physical issues he had, he ended up in the hospital at least twice a year. As Becca and Holly drove over to the hospital, they thought that this was just another one of his hospital stays. He'd be in for a few days and then get released, just like it always had been.

When they arrived at the hospital, a nurse greeted them and escorted them into a small room and told them to wait for a doctor. Right away, they knew something was up. The doctor came in and explained that my father was unable to breath on his own. He was hooked up to a breathing machine. At some point during the ambulance ride, he had also lost a significant amount of oxygen intake. Without doing a scan to confirm this, the doctors were positive that Dad was brain dead. They were asked what his wishes were and just like that, everything changed. I've heard the story from Becca and Holly many times, but that part is still so shocking to believe. One minute, Dad was 'ok' and the next minute he couldn't breath on his own? How could this have happened? Calls were made to family. Rachael left school and headed to the hospital.

I was in California while all of this was happening. I had spent the weekend in Palm Springs at one of the most amazing Phish festivals I've ever attended. We stayed at our friend Ryan's house for the weekend. Ryan had to be up and out early on Monday morning so we got dropped off at our friend Tom's hotel room nearby. Tom was headed to the airport early, but left his hotel key with a friend so that Jimmy and I could shower before we had to head to the airport.

I just had just finished drying my hair when I saw my cell phone ring. It was Rebecca. Since I wanted to get packed up, I let it go to voicemail. Within seconds, Jimmy's cell phone rings. I knew right away something was going on since Rebecca rarely if ever calls Jimmy. I grabbed his phone and could hear it in her voice. She wanted to know where I was. When I told her I was in California she replied with "Oh Shit".

I'll never forget the next few minutes of our phone call or where I was standing in that hotel room or how I felt or how my mind raced at how this all was remotely even possible. She told me everything that happened. She told me Dad couldn't breath on his own. She told me he was brain dead. Even after hearing those words, I still thought to myself, Oh Dad, you'll bounce back from this like all of the other times in the hospital. But this time was different. This time he didn't bounce back.

Before I boarded my flight home I was in contact with family every few minutes. Dad was still on life support when my flight left the ground. The whole plane ride was a blur. I remember just wishing I could keep my phone on and get reception. It was a long 5 hour flight and as soon as we touched down, I turned on my phone. I had 11 text messages and knew what they all said. As we were taxiing to the gate, I called Rebecca. My cousins and uncles had texted me to call them immediately but I knew I wanted to hear this news from my sister.

She confirmed what I was dreading. Dad passed away at 10:07pm. Holly, my sisters and Sara (a very close friend of Becca's) were getting ready to the leave the hospital for the night. The nurse noticed Dad's levels dropping. She suggested they wait a bit to stay with him which they did. They were all with him when his heart gave out. I'm comforted in knowing that when Dad passed, he was surrounded by loved ones and that he wasn't alone.

The final diagnosis of what ended up taking his life was pneumonia, sepsis and a bacteria infection. He was 59 1/2 years old.

Friday, April 2 will be 5 months since he left us. While he and I hadn't spoken in over three months and while I hadn't seen him in over a year, he is the first thing I think about when I wake up. He is the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. I feel closer to him now than I ever did before. However, I still wish that the end of his story could have been different.


On November 2, 2009, HOWARD L. SHORR, beloved husband of Holly Shorr (nee Bloom), loving father of Jennie Broderick of New Jersey, Rebecca Shorr and Rachael Shorr both of Maryland, loving father-in-law of Jim Broderick, cherished son of Jonah and Thelma “Temi” Shorr (nee Saget) of Florida, devoted brother of Jay Shorr of Florida and Edwin Shorr of Pennsylvania. Services at Sol Levinson & Bros. Inc. on Wednesday, November 4, at 4 p.m. Interment in South Florida VA Cemetery, Florida on Monday November 9. Contributions to Vietnam Veterans Of America, 8605 Cameron St., Suite 400, Silver Spring, Md., 20910-3710.

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